You ever have one of those days when everything goes swimmingly well?  You know, you’re feeling great, you think you look great, and you think you can take on the world with your pinky?
That’s how yesterday began for me.  I scheduled a job interview for this position that feels perfect for me.  I looked in the mirror and thought, “Man, I’ve come a long way physically and mentally.”  It seemed things were going well and it was only Monday.  I figured what a piece of cake kind of day!
Well, you know how the saying goes.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too, even if it is vegan!  Grr.  My schedule has been a bit crazy.  I’m maxed out on hours at Starbucks and took on multiple digital marketing clients the past couple of weeks, plus have to worry about my novel coming out, and trying to make time for friends I haven’t seen in forever.  Oh, and there is that little thing that I’m still getting my new place in Nashville set up.
I usually work well under pressure.  I figured I’d suffer through this adjustment period and eventually reduce my hours at Starbucks to keep my sanity.
Too late… my sanity slipped away over the weekend I guess.  Turns out that awesome job interview I have was scheduled when I’m working at Starbucks!  I totally switched up my days.  In my defense, my manager has been switching my schedule to accommodate our store and another store’s needs.  And now, the few hours I need free to try and better my life and actually work a job that is in tune with who I am might not be accommodated for me.
That’s what gets me… I’m willing to help whenever I can, but it seems when I really need the help, no one can seem to get it together.  I’m hoping my manager comes through for me and can find a solution.  Or else I have to re-schedule this interview and I hate doing that.  One, it seems flaky.  Two, what if someone else interviews before me and they hire him/her before I even get a fair shot?
Anyway, my take-on-the-world mood went downhill quickly after realizing what a bonehead move I made by double-booking myself.  The rest of my shift I was trying to work out a solution in my head, which I felt terribly guilty for plotting a way to get out of work for a job interview, by the way.  But as you know, I have a love/hate relationship with Starbucks these days.  When my shift ended, I had a million emails from the digital marketing job about things I need to take care of, plus texts from my boss saying there was a terrible typo on a social media post I had created.
Ugh.
I felt awful.  I felt like I couldn’t hack it.  I felt like I just wanted to run and hide until I could force my brain to function properly again.
After my roommate made me a veggie-ful dinner, I decided to turn off for a bit by working out on the elliptical while watching a cheesy Hallmark movie.  That helped.
Things didn’t seem quite as bad and I didn’t feel quite as guilty/dramatic.  But I know something has to give.  I can’t expect to be my best if I’m not being fair to myself.  Balance is key in life, and I’m completely off kilter with the amount of work/pressure I’ve been putting on myself.
Balls drop all the time in life, whether you’ve got your crap together or not.  I have to accept that.  But they’d drop less if I said no sometimes when I wasn’t able to do something… like work an extra shift or promise to write features on several music artists for no reason other than being nice and helpful.
In the long run, I was thinking about making extra money to catch up from the move.  But sometimes extra money is not worth losing your mind and taking care of what’s important to making you function.
I forgive myself and now it’s time to take on Tuesday.