It’s easy to get caught up in envy of others who we feel are more beautiful, successful, funnier, and the list goes on and on. We’re all guilty of wanting what we don’t have.
During my morning commute the other day, I admired a young woman’s hair. It was long, strong and looked like she hadn’t fussed with it at all. It wasn’t thin like my hair or extra coarse.
I could never pull off long hair, with the baby-fine strands I’ve been blessed-or cursed-with. While admiring the woman’s hair, I came up with the title for this post. I thanked God I can pull off all of the fake ponytails and hair extensions I wear frequently. I can go from long hair to short to blonde to reddish to dark in seconds and people sometimes never catch onto my secret!
See, I was born with hair that changes like eye color. If I put a darker color extension in, my hair looks darker, and the same with a lighter one. So many people have told me they could never pull it off, but I make it work.
While that’s great for my hair problems, this post isn’t really about that. It’s about accepting who we are and what we have as well as who we’re not and what we don’t have.
I was always a plus-size girl – growing up and into adulthood. The past few years I’ve been able to teeter along the lines of “regular” size and those additional X’s. Sometimes I make a big deal about having to buy those bigger sizes. Sometimes it is because I’ve gained weight and sometimes it’s about the style and the design of the clothing.
That’s when I remind myself that these numbers don’t matter. All that matters is that I like the way the clothes make me feel. I may never be a size small or a medium or even a large, but I am trying to remind myself that size is just a stupid number or letter manufacturer’s make up. It is not a science and no one fits a perfect mold – no matter what size we tend to wear.
Admiring someone else is a great thing, but beating yourself up for not being that person is futile and damaging. What you’re telling yourself is, “I’m not good enough”.
This is not only true with appearances, but in careers and parenting as well. I am guilty of it – at times feeling jealous of other writers for making more money or getting more exposure than I do. Everyone has their own journey and timing. All we can do is keep working hard and stay filled with a hunger to achieve our goals, without letting self-doubt creep in.
Although, I am not a mother – I know all of my Mom friends out there feel the pressure to be the perfect parent. With social media comes tons of input on what items to buy, how to raise your child, and what to do/not to do in your pregnancy. Wow, as if becoming a parent wasn’t scary and tough enough – now you have to live up to the “perfect Mom society”? Again, you do what’s right for you and your child. There is more than one way to do things and everyone has their bad days. Don’t be fooled by the smiling family photos and the bragging Moms with clean houses, home cooked meals, and who have were never on the verge of losing their minds.
Believe me, all of the advice I’m dishing right now is definitely advice I need to keep taking myself. I have my bad days, but I am trying to make them less frequent. I am trying to not beat myself up when I slack off of work, my routine, exercise or ate too much vegan pizza. Telling myself that it’s okay when I’m not perfect and that I’m still beautiful and a go-getter is the most important thing to do.
When I feel good about myself, I’m rewarded in so many ways. Not only do I feel happy for no particular reason, but others seem to be drawn to me. I receive compliments about my smile or strangers randomly start a conversation with me.
When we love ourselves, it truly does shine outwardly to others.
There’s my Tony Robbins speech of the week 🙂 Have a good one! Love you guys.
Dancing with the Stars‘ bad boy of ballroom, Maksim Chmerkovskiy—who is currently in the middle of an intensive 45-city nationwide dance tour with his brother, Val—is passionate about taking care of his body. He is offering up 20 tips in detail on what he eats, avoids, and how he stays motivated.
Maks is known for his smoldering, intense passion and hot body as he owns any dance floor, but his rigorous dancing is only part of how he stays in shape. Taking his health seriously means subjecting every food, fitness, and lifestyle choice to a simple test: Will this help me meet my goal of living to 120…or will it detract from that goal?
“I truly believe I can make it to 120 and I want it to be an active and vibrant 120,” says the 36-year-old dancer, choreographer, and television personality. “It’s not just about quantity of life, but quality of life. This lifestyle is what allows me to even consider a 45-city tour at my age. Also, I want to be able to play basketball with my kids when they’re teenagers and still kick their butt—I don’t want to be an old dad.”
If you’ve seen him in one of the flash mobs he has popping up in cities across the US—you won’t have any doubts about him reaching his goal. Check it out at maksmob.com!
“To do that in the future, I have to make friends with my body right now,” he adds. “If I get out of its way, and help it do its thing by giving it the right nutrients, it will take care of me in return. It will reward me. It will just live. Yeah, things come to an end—but they don’t have to degrade by the time you’re 60.”
In a world on the go, with so many processed foods, supersized meals, and electronic distractions that leave you with very little energy or motivation, it’s no easy feat to make healthy choices. Still, Maks is doing it—and he insists the rest of us can, too.
“Once you make up your mind that great health is important to you, the choices become, if not easy, then at least doable,” he promises. “You don’t have to be a celebrity, you don’t have to be rich, you don’t have to have a chef or a personal trainer. You just have to make it a priority to give your body what it needs, and only what it needs.”
Personally, I agree with Maks wholeheartedly. A couple of years ago, I decided to focus on making healthier choices–and I’m not talking about cutting calories, carbs or any kind of speedy weight loss tactics. Instead, I focused on natural ingredients and actually listened to my body for the first time. I falter sometimes, and give in to processed foods, and after too much, I can feel my body screaming! It’s nice to hear a celebrity promoting REAL health tips, and not charging for them! This is a long read, but a worthy one. Print it out and read it multiple times. Incorporate a new tip each week; your body will thank you!
Want to join Maks in his quest to live long and prosper? Then consider his 20 “best odds” secrets:
Educate yourself on what to eat and why. Your body is smart and will regulate itself when you get out of the way—but that means learning how best to feed it. Do some research. Don’t limit yourself to “mainstream” resources as many are driven by big food manufacturers with their own agenda. Digging deeper reveals that the typical Western diet—grain-heavy; filled with genetically modified, hormone-infused, processed foods; and deficient in many nutrients—is counter to what the body needs to operate at its best.
“You need to know why you’re choosing certain foods and avoiding others,” says Maks. “When you know a food causes inflammation in your body or creates insulin surges that lead to diabetes, you’ll want to steer clear of it so your natural healing processes can work. When you know overcooked meats are dangerous, you’ll stop overcooking. When you know what free radicals are, you’ll eat antioxidant-rich foods to fight them. This is what I mean by making friends with your body.”
Learn which nutrients you are missing and supplement them. Almost everyone is deficient in certain vitamins (D, for example) and minerals. That’s why Maks starts each morning with three supplements he believes are the foundation for good health. The list includes Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C, Lypo-Spheric Glutathione, and Lypo-Spheric R-ALA (all from LivOn Labs). He is so sold on these products, which he has taken for years, that he has introduced them to his entire family, and he recently agreed to become a brand ambassador for LivOn Labs.
“My doctor told me that most supplements aren’t absorbed well by the body, but the LivOn supplements have a special delivery system that lets them reach the cells more quickly and efficiently,” says Maks. “That’s why I started taking them. I would never endorse any product if I didn’t 100 percent believe in it. That’s just not who I am. These supplements will make a difference!
“Besides the LivOn stuff, I also take 10,000 IU a day of vitamin D,” he adds. “I also take palm fruit extract in powder form, which is incredible for cardiovascular health from its multiple forms of vitamin E. The palm fruit extract also has an excellent source of vitamin A that I combine with vitamin K2. This combination of vitamin D, vitamin A, and vitamin K2 contribute to strong bone formation and fight against the progression of osteoporosis as we age. This combination also controls the formation of calcium build up and plaque formation in my vessels!”
Make a conscious decision to stay well. No matter how often you wash your hands during cold and flu season, you’ll never be able to shield yourself from every germ. What you can do is follow a best odds regimen to strengthen your immune system so you get sick less often. In Maks’s case, that means adhering to a natural “clean eating” regimen as well as supplementing with the aforementioned Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C.
“I’ve always been a big believer in vitamin C,” he adds. “I take it to kickstart my immune system. I can’t tell you the last time I got sick. When I traveled with my family for New Year’s Eve, everyone came home sick except for me.
“When you have a busy life, you have to stay well,” he adds. “And when you are sick, it alters you as a person. You’re not yourself. You’re nasty and have a short temper. You whine like a baby. No one wants to be like that. Plus, you get behind on commitments and that leads to even more stress!”
Try to maintain a healthy body weight, too. Maks points to the popular A&E Network show Fit to Fat to Fit—in which trainers purposely gain a lot of weight in order to lose it again alongside their clients—as the pinnacle of self-destructive behavior. He says most people don’t realize how dangerous yo-yo dieting (even the far less extreme versions that many people do) can be.
“People just don’t bounce back from rapid weight change,” he says. “Your hormones get out of whack, and then you are screwed. This is no different from smoking. You’re killing yourself when you let yourself get really fat or when you lose weight too fast or in unsustainable ways—and it’s unnatural to kill yourself.”
Find a doctor who believes in prevention—and don’t go only when you’re sick. Maks’ own doctor introduced him to so much of what he knows about nutrition and supplementation. He admits this is unusual, which is why he believes that as a nation, our relationship with healthcare providers needs to change.
“Most people go to the doctor only when stuff hurts,” notes Maks. “But we need to use our doctors to help us stay healthy, not just to try to fix what’s wrong. We can show up when we are not sick, and if enough people start doing that, doctors will have no choice but to start getting more involved in prevention.”
If it’s man-made, don’t eat it. Maks bases his diet on lean grass-fed meats and organic, GMO-free fruits and vegetables. “This is not as hard as you might think”, he says. Processed foods are an addiction, and when you’re hooked on them, it’s hard to imagine quitting. But once you do, you won’t want to go back.
“Try eating real foods, not chemically engineered foods made in a laboratory,” he advises. “You’ll quickly see that this is what the body wants and needs. And you don’t have to live on lettuce like a rabbit—there are so many fresh, natural, delicious foods out there that you’ll never feel bored or deprived.”
Cut way down on wheat, sugar, and corn. Grains are inflammatory, says Maks—wheat in particular. Bread is full of sugar, which spikes your insulin and forces the body to work hard to level it, leading to diabetes. Speaking of sugar, studies show it’s more addictive than cocaine. And if you’re avoiding genetically modified foods, you’d better swear off corn—the vast majority of it is GMO.
“It’s best if you can cut these things out altogether,” says Maks. “At least eat them as little as possible. Instead of wheat, use spelt flour. Instead of white sugar, eat raw honey. There are all kinds of great alternatives out there that taste amazing.”
Saying, “It’s too expensive” is usually a cop-out. “Yes, it is expensive to eat healthfully now”, admits Maks. “But not doing so will cost far more 20 years down the road when you’re sick and fat and all your money is going to doctors. If you have to drive an old car and cancel your cable, it’s worth it—there is no higher priority than taking care of your body and providing for the long-term health of your family.
“When my family moved from Ukraine, we didn’t have much money,” says Maks. “But we had been used to eating vegetables grown in my grandmother’s garden and had an appreciation for these whole, natural foods. So once we got to America, my dad got a second job so we wouldn’t have to eat at McDonald’s every day. I am grateful for that because I learned early that good health is worth sacrifice.”
Another cop-out? “I can’t get that around here.” Maybe you’re thinking, Sure, I’d love to switch to grass-fed beef, free-range chicken, and organic fruits and veggies. But grocery stores around here don’t carry that stuff. First of all, that’s probably not true. There is most likely a natural foods store within driving distance; even tiny towns have them now. But even if this isn’t the case where you live, this is the Age of Amazon—virtually everything can be ordered online and shipped right to your door.
“I like to make pancakes out of spelt flour,” says Maks. “Okay, maybe you can’t get it at your supermarket, but you can order a five-pound bag from Berlin Natural Bakery and it will last you half a year. It doesn’t matter where you live anymore. We all have access to healthful foods.”
Pay attention to what’s REALLY in your food—especially those old familiars you take for granted. Ketchup is a good example. Most of us eat it because we always have. We grew up on it and we love the taste. But once we know what’s in it—tons of sugar, sodium, and artificial preservatives—how can we in good conscience keep eating it and feeding it to our kids?
“Eating ketchup is a habit for most of us, and habits can be hard to break,” says Maks. “People in my own household keep eating it even though they know they shouldn’t. They say, ‘But I like ketchup!’ So I get how hard it is to give up ketchup—but it can be done.”
Throw out your microwave. Many people believe cooking with a microwave oven is inherently dangerous as it changes the molecular structure of your foods and zaps their nutrients. (Plus, of course, the radiation it emits is harmful.) But even beyond these issues, taking this one step can squelch the temptation to eat processed “convenience foods.”
“When microwaving is not an option, you will give meal preparation the time and effort it deserves,” says Maks. “You’ll be more likely to prepare good, healthful, whole foods.”
Believe it or not, it’s fine to skip breakfast. “Three times a week I do a 16-hour fast,” says Maks. “I have a normal dinner and then the next day I skip breakfast. I wake up, take my daily supplements, and have some coffee, but don’t have my first meal until around 1:00 or 1:30. It makes me feel cleaner and healthier. Just don’t go over 16 hours, because after that the body starts suffering.”
Visualize what your food is doing in your body. Maks says this is a little trick that motivates him to make positive food choices. If a food is natural and healthful, as you eat it, picture it fueling your body, building your muscles, plumping up your cells. On the other hand, if it’s junk food, visualize it tearing your body down.
“When you envision the process that goes on inside you, it’s a game changer,” says Maks. “What you’re doing starts to seem very real. You realize there is a benefit or a cost to everything you put in your body and this will drive the right decisions.”
You don’t have to be a gym rat—but you do have to exercise. If you’re trying to lose weight, you have probably heard that food is 90 percent of the battle. And while it’s true that you don’t need to live at the gym (Maks insists he doesn’t), it also doesn’t mean you get a pass on exercise.
“Feeding your muscles is pointless if you don’t let them do anything,” he says. “Find an activity you enjoy, and one that meets your needs, and make it a part of your life. Try dancing. It’s fun and gets you moving!”
Sign up for a fitness event and tap into your competitive nature. Maks is a big believer in competition. He has spent his life having his performance measured and being ranked against others. In his dance training, he was required to improve every lesson, which led to continuous improvement and built discipline. That’s why, if you’re having trouble making yourself work out, he suggests you sign up for a race or perhaps take a class where you can hold yourself to a standard and strive to get better and better.
“We are afraid to admit that human beings are competitive by nature,” he says. “It’s an old-school belief but it’s true. For most people it’s not enough to just say, ‘I want to lose 60 pounds.’ There has to be a bigger reason and that reason is competition. It’s, ‘I want to be better than her,’ or even just, ‘I want to be better than my old self.’ It’s powerful; it works, so why not use it?
“If you are signed up for a race, you’ll do anything to try to get the upper hand,” adds Maks. “That means you probably won’t just train; you’ll do the nutrition part, too. It all works together organically.”
Just make sure you’re doing the RIGHT exercises for your needs. Similar to his advice on food, Maks says it’s important to know why you’re doing the workout you’re doing. For example, when he’s getting ready for a tour, he works out more than usual, following a program designed for these specific needs.
“When I’m at the gym, I see women in full makeup and high-heeled sneakers,” he says. “I see guys trying to lift heavy things to look cool. But ask them what its purpose is and they don’t know. They are just hurting themselves and will find out later when they start having joint problems and muscle issues.”
Maks on alcohol: “Have a drink here and there. Pinot noir is perfect.” Maks enjoys this red wine due in part to its cardiovascular benefits. He also doesn’t object to an occasional shot of good tequila. It fits in with his “everything in moderation” view of life. If you enjoy alcohol (and don’t have an addiction, obviously!), he sees nothing wrong with drinking it.
“You should enjoy yourself but certainly don’t let yourself get to the point where you can’t function,” he says. “You rarely see a professional drunk become a billionaire! So be aware of why you like to drink. If you feel the need to alter your mood and reality all the time, some bigger problems might be going on.”
Get enough sleep for your needs—but don’t sweat the “eight hours” thing. Sleep is important, sure. But instead of following the standard “everyone needs eight hours a night” advice, Maks is more likely to listen to his body. He rests when he is tired and sleeps until he feels refreshed.
“I’m a night owl and probably not a perfect example of great sleep habits,” he admits. “I focus more on nutrition as the main building block for good health. If I make that a priority, then everything else is fixable. If I miss a few hours of sleep, I can always go to bed earlier the next night, but if I start eating crap, it takes half a year to get back.”
Preach the gospel to your friends and family. Never ever let up! Maks is passionate about good health and the problems with the food industry and believes it’s his duty to influence his friends and family—and, yes, his fans. It’s more than a hobby or an interest; it’s a cause. Talking about health has become a big part of his personal brand, which in turn keeps him accountable to living by his own rules.
“Some people can talk about politics all day,” he adds. “To me, this is the most important thing. I want the people I care about to know how to live the right way. And I want everyone to know we have to start supporting the small farmer, not the person who presses a button on an assembly line. I’m not going to stop talking about it. And since I’m talking about it, I’m going to keep walking the walk.”
“I value good health and I am extremely disciplined about nutrition and fitness only because of the parents I had,” he adds. “They instilled those values in me, and it was the greatest gift they could have given me. They get the credit for who I am. I want my own children to be able to say that about me someday.”
Talk to your future self. This trick helps you make the right health decisions. When Maks came to Hollywood in his mid-20s, he fell into glittering social circles that included high-profile celebrities. Friends stayed up all night smoking, binge drinking, doing drugs. While at the time it felt like he was missing out, Maks is now glad he never did these things. Now, when he is tempted to eat the wrong foods, he remembers the true price of self-destructive behaviors.
“I like to pretend I am talking to myself 20 years from now,” he says. “I think, What would that conversation be like? And I know that my 55-year-old self would say, ‘Thank you for taking care of me. I’m still here. I’m still loving life. I get to golf, travel, and hang out with my beautiful wife, my kids, my family. I’m happy and healthy and that’s because of the choices you made 20 years ago.'”
Ultimately, Maks takes a hard line on health because he truly believes that we have the ability to make a huge difference in the quality of our lives. And knowing that, why wouldn’t we make the changes we need to make?
“Something may happen to me and I won’t make it to 120,” he says. “But even if I don’t, the years I’m alive will be healthier and happier than if I had neglected my body. If I just get to be 60 or 70, I am not willing to spend my life in the hospital. I don’t want to look back and think, Maks, you were an idiot. So I try really hard not to be an idiot now.”
Maks’ tips and a good portion of this article was provided by DeHart & Company. Sandy Lo has added her own intro + thoughts on Maks’ health tips. Love yourself inside-out!!! 🙂
We hear Leonardo DiCaprio talk about it all the time… going green. What does that mean exactly? Drive an electric car? Get solar paneling on your roof? Be a vegan? While yes, all of those things would help our often neglected environment, it might seem overwhelming to most of us. You don’t have to change your entire world to make a difference.
It wasn’t like we ruined this planet overnight. The decline in our air quality and ecosystems have been an ongoing process over centuries. However, if we don’t take action, it’s only going to get worse. Instead of trying to reverse the damage by turning your entire life around, small changes can help. Small changes can teach others.
One day, you won’t be here, but your children and grandchildren will be. Teach them to take care of their world and all of its organisms. Show you care, even if you don’t think it will make a change. It’s good for your soul and sets a good example.
Try out these 6 things to help the planet. Happy Earth Day!
1. Turn Off The Water While Brushing Your Teeth
Why leave the water running for no reason? Just turn the water on when you actually need to run your toothbrush under it. You can save up to 8 gallons a day just by doing this simple thing!! Bonus: the running water sound won’t make you have to go to the bathroom while cleaning your chompers!
2. Go Meatless One Day a Week
I know, I know… you need your meat. (Cue this vegan rolling her eyes, haha) But going meatless just one day a week can make a difference to animals, the environment and your health! Meat production produces way more greenhouse gases than vegetables, including carbon dioxide, methane and nitrous oxide — yikes! On top of that, the meat industry uses as much fuel energy to produce grain for livestock as it would if it were to feed 840 million people on a vegetarian diet! If you need more incentive, going meatless one day a week can reduce the risk of many health issues like cancer, heart disease, cardiovascular diabetes and obesity. Check out these awesome meatless recipes to get you started.
3. Spit Gum Into a Trash Can
This seems like a given, no? I witness an unbelievable amount of people spitting their gum into the street, the ocean, etc. I’ve heard arguments like, “It’s gum. It disintegrates,” or “It’s not harmful.” Well, yes, it is harmful! Gum is not biodegradable. It doesn’t just disappear over time. It takes cities plenty of time, money and cleaning chemicals and heavy duty tools to get rid of gum, and even then, some streets are permanently damaged. Studies have also found gum inside fish, which are then consumed by people and other animals. Do you really want to eat some stranger’s gum? Gum does not just go away!
4. Recycle + Cut Harmful Plastics Into Pieces
It’s 2016, by now, you should have the recycling thing down, right? Still, so many homes and businesses don’t recycle. I’m from NYC, which makes recycling pretty convenient. However, now that I live in Nashville, our recycling is picked up once a month! There are ways to make recycling work in your area. Glass doesn’t get picked up in Nashville, but my job hired a service who does accept it. From now on, I am bringing glass bottles into work to be recycled. It takes a little extra effort, but isn’t our world worth it? As for those pesky plastic things that holds soda cans together, please just cut them up into little pieces before recycling. Too many sea creatures and birds have been harmed by them and it’s heartbreaking.
5. Go Paperless
For me, this one is the easiest. I hate junk mail. I hate opening important documents only to lose them. I switched all my bills to electronic. I don’t receive bank statements in the mail and I e-file my taxes. This is such an easy way to cut down on paper waste and it actually makes your life simple and less cluttered!
I don’t drive. Never have, maybe never will — so yes, this one is a no brainer for me. Walking clears my mind and makes me feel good about moving and connecting with nature, even if I’m walking near big buildings and shopping strips. I can hear birds, see squirrels and feel the air. Or if I want to add a little pep to my step, I put my ear buds in and listen to some good tunes — it makes me walk faster and I feel like I’m getting a workout in. Walking is great for you in every way. Once in a while, why not opt out of making a quick drive to the store and just walk? You save gas and finding that frustrating parking spot 😉
Have any simple green tips? Please share in the comments!
With my 33rd birthday looming over me, along with my boss going out of the country for two weeks, I knew I needed a quick, cheap getaway. After all of the travel, work, and chaos the past year has brought me, I didn’t want to travel far or sight-see. I wanted peace, quiet, and writing time. I found Penuel Ridge Retreat Center on AirBnB in nearby Ashland City, TN. Just 30 minutes from where I lived… perfect! I was set to stay in a private cabin on the property, but that kind of went to hell with the dropping temperatures. The cabin is only heated by a space heater, and the coordinator warned me it would be too cold. I was stubborn and wanted to stay in the adorable cabin. I lasted all of 3 hours before the constant shivering was all I could take.
I moved into the main house, which I have to say is just as serene. There are plenty of beds to accomodate groups and a large dining area, but my favorite room is the spring room–its energy is constantly flowing and evoking something new within me. Downstairs was a small apartment, which was my space. While I did sleep down there, I found upstairs to be much more open and inspirational during the day. I practically had the entire property to myself aside from a volunteer who was in silence in the spring room on one of the days.
Here is what I learned in 3 days at Penuel Ridge.
1. Every being needs to stop and rest.
We live in a world that is always on the go. We try to rush traffic to get to work. We want work to fly by to get to happy hour. We want the week to speed up to get to the weekend. We’re always looking ahead; wanting more and never really shutting off. How many of us wake in the middle of the night and automatically reach for our phones? It has now become habitual. Half the time, we don’t even care about the nonsense on our Facebook timelines, but it’s stimulation in some form. While I did have use of WiFi at Penuel Ridge, I tried my hardest not to use it — only allowing myself to turn it on to check in at night and on my birthday.
It is quite liberating to pretend your phone doesn’t exist; you should try it some time! Not only did I not use my phone much, but I had no T.V. or music playing. It was just me, my journal, a couple of books and my laptop for novel-writing purposes. There were moments I would just sit and let my mind do what it wanted, until it would just quiet down. It takes some patience, but it’s like restarting an electronic device. You come out more clear and quicker from it.
2. Boredom is just fear. Don’t always try to fill the spaces in your mind.
Seriously. We fear having nothing to do or having no one to talk to. We fear being alone. We fear where our minds will go if we’re left alone with our thoughts. Boredom hit a couple of times during my retreat, but they passed as soon as I wrote or read or napped or looked out the window and appreciated nature. Maybe it sounds lame, but I no longer fear nothing to do. In fact, I want to seek out moments of “nothing to do” more often — like meditation, prayer or just looking out a window for 10-15 minutes per day.
3. It’s okay to be angry at a book. (It usually reveals something about ourselves we don’t like.)
That doesn’t mean it was a bad book or a good book. You don’t have to make that decision. Some books were written to make you think. I read “God Help The Child” by Toni Morrison at the hopes of seeing happy endings for abused children. Instead, the book’s main theme was: history repeats itself. The abused children grow up to be abusive parents — maybe not physically, but in some way. The book reminded me of what I already know — no one escapes childhood unscathed. This reality is hard for me to swallow. I want there to be wonderful parents out there and children who are 100% happy and loved. I know that is completely unrealistic. No one is 100% happy. There will always be pain, neglect and resentment. While I was angry with Toni’s book, it was only because I am frustrated knowing if I ever do become a parent — I won’t be perfect and I will inflict some issue upon my child. This torments me.
In 3 days on retreat, I expelled so many emotions that have been stuck inside of me, buried under the stress of work and confined due to cold, dreary winter. I was able to spit some of those feelings out in such an unfiltered release with myself. I journaled, prayed aloud in violent, angry sobs, napped, got rid of writer’s block in my novel and watched the cardinals outside the window at the bird feeder. I saw all of the beauty in the world again and acknowledged the pain, and forgave myself for feeling all of the emotions I sometimes try hard to ignore. Depression, anger, sadness, hate, love, fear — I felt them all, and finally, I felt peace and relief and hope. Mission: accomplished!
Please share your thoughts in the comments below!
Any tips on how to quiet the mind?
Has there ever been a book that upset you this way?